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How much are you worth? Remember when a million dollars was the goal? There was a TV show “The Millionaire” in the early 60s. Some rich guy started the program by offering to pay some klutz a cool million to complete most ridiculous risk possible. I recall one episode where a fella was to drive a car across a rickety old bridge with bottles of nitro glycerin splashing around in the back seat. The car had busted springs.

But, hey, it was a chance at the big bucks.

Today, we all check our 401k totals. Our property investments. Our lottery tickets...twice a week. So what are you worth?

Wait. That’s not the real question, is it?

What do OTHERS think you are worth? Well now, that’s a horse of a different color.

How would we know what others think of our financial status? Prior to this modern era, the only option would be to walk up to a person and ask.

“Hey, big boy! How much am I worth?”

“Honey, you look like a million bucks.”

Got that said to me a million times.

But can you trust that big boy to be heartfelt and honest? I didn’t.

But today, it’s easy. All you need to do is get hacked. You will receive an unbiased—and unrequested—statement of your ability to pay.

See, hackers go for those who appear to be financially well-endowed. Then, after consulting the county property tax appraisal list, your socio-economic status when compared to the average wage of a person of your age, level of education and political fervor, hackers assess what you might pay as a ransom. If it is high enough, they invade, controlling your computer.

While national news outlets report the horror of losing your data, I think most of us are secretly proud that someone in cyberspace has deemed us worthy of hack-attack. Our goal should be to entertain a demand of million dollars. Once verified and validated, you got braggin’ rights, Honey.

Now, don’t pay the ransom. What are they gonna do with your deceased aunt’s address and phone number anyway? Facebook friends? Post two messages, for and against guns, you’ll be unfriended by everyone, so no danger there. Then...

Wait. I have just be notified that my account has been hacked. Yes! I’ve reached the big time. But I am getting no request for ransom. That’s the Russians. They don’t want my money. Those guys just want me to vote Libertarian.


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